How many times have you ever been accused of doing something you know you did not do? When that accusation comes, don’t you vehemently deny it? Have you noticed that the more serious the false allegation against you, the more forceful the denial? The most serious and disgusting allegations invoke anger.
I have been told there are two major differences between those who are guilty, and those who are innocent, in prison. The first is to say that the innocent are always angry. Angry because both the system has failed them in a colossal way, and the accusation remains with them the entire time they are in prison. If it angers you to be falsely accused, then think what it must be like to have that same false allegation pointed at you daily. The second difference is that those who are guilty sleep at night, and those who are innocent do not. Try to imagine being trapped in a nightmare you can not get away from even while you are awake. Your mind will not let things rest, and therefore you do not rest.
I have been in more physical fights than I can count in prison. The parole board even commented on this fact. I really hate to fight. I do. I just want to be left alone while I try to find a way to prove my innocence. Yet, both staff and inmates alike seem to think that I am some sort of coward, and a weak man because of the charges against me. I try to tell them I am innocent, but they do not want to hear that. Mostly, they want someone they can point a finger at so no one is looking at what they have done. However, this also means I am not the weak coward they have come to believe me to be. So, when they start in with calling me a child molester, or thinking they can just run over me, I push back, and they get seriously confused. The anger of being falsely accused yet again causes me to react fiercely, and pushing things too far.
I do not know if you can understand what it is like to be talked to as though you are a second class citizen every moment of every day. To have people thinking they can actually take food right out of your hands. Having them believing they can do whatever they want to you, whenever they want, and you will not do anything about it. They keep coming.
I was raised to stand up for myself. To be courteous and kind to others, but to not take crap either. Mom taught me that I should not be rude nor impolite. It does not seem that most of the people in our country were raised the same way. I am not sure where these people get this false sense of entitlement. I do not owe you anything, and I work for what I get. So, do not get confused when I stand up for myself.
Granted, the anger of my false conviction surfaces when pushed, and I try to deal with that personally. Maybe, just maybe, you should worry more about your own reason for being in prison instead of pointing fingers and pushing someone else. If you think for a moment that you do not have any responsibility in the outcome when you get to pushing me, you are definitely wrong. If you spent time worrying more about yourself, and leaving me alone, we would not be in this mess.
Prison is a truly miserable place to be. We are kept away from family and friends. Isolated from society in general. Most of our freedoms stripped from us. Yet, it does not have to be as miserable as we make. Most of the crap that goes on in prison is due to the choices the inmates make. You can choose to leave other people alone, to mind your own business, and to be kind and polite. The fact that you choose chaos, anarchy, and violence demonstrates the very reasons why you are in prison in the first place, and how you were raised. I can not understand how you can sleep soundly knowing these facts.
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